WHEN THE WIND BLOWS, THE CRADLE WILL ROCK
When you try to look out of your window, and see nobody there, what do you do?... nothing... go back to doing what you were doing...
I often wonder, what it was that led to my existence... finally...Sometimes my solitude gets the better of me and I stroll out onto the terrace and lean at the edge of the parapet... The slap of cold wind on my face and the challenge that I give to death, stimulates me to go back and write my story...
When a child is born, it isn't necessary that a mother be born along with it; but when a mother Is born, a child becomes an object of love for the entire world...The above lines are not a product of my philosophical outburst, but a picture of what my life is all about....I had a sister. When i say a 'sister' it just implies a female entity... and it isn't hidden, what the world thinks of anything that is in the least 'Yin' in form... I would have had two more siblings, probably 'sisters' again, but they were killed.. or rather 'aborted'...My parents were god... they felt it was upon them to give to this world sons who'd in turn make the world... there was no place in this 'world' for sisters or daughters, though their 'sons' would marry someone's 'daughter' or 'sister'...
My sister came down with Jaundice a week after mother had her first abortion... and a week after the second abortion( a year later), she died... fell out from the window of a car, hit the divider on the road and died...Next was my turn. I was to be born next... and I lived to see the light of the day... why? maybe because now my parents believed that a 'daughter' could at least get them a 'son' in law if a 'son' was never to come...or maybe it was their god-fearing side that took over them after three deaths...I won't say that I wasn't taken care of, or I was treated like nothing... because I was not... I was loved and cared for like my sister probably never had... But I was never close to my mother or my father..
When I was in college, a cousin of mine told me all this... probably just to make me feel like I was an unwanted child... but I confronted my parents that very day and they gave me the truth in the most candid manner, one could have... I was determined that I'd never let this gender-bias get the better of me...I'm thirty three now... married to a loving businessman, and a loving son to complete my family.... A month back I told my husband that I was pregnant with his second child...The doctor revealed it would be a daughter.. 'I' was extremely happy...
Today as I write this, I am not happy... I no longer feel for anything... I feel nothing... like the way you feel when you look out of a window and see nothing....I aborted the 'daughter'...
I will now have a 'son'.....
I often wonder, what it was that led to my existence... finally...Sometimes my solitude gets the better of me and I stroll out onto the terrace and lean at the edge of the parapet... The slap of cold wind on my face and the challenge that I give to death, stimulates me to go back and write my story...
When a child is born, it isn't necessary that a mother be born along with it; but when a mother Is born, a child becomes an object of love for the entire world...The above lines are not a product of my philosophical outburst, but a picture of what my life is all about....I had a sister. When i say a 'sister' it just implies a female entity... and it isn't hidden, what the world thinks of anything that is in the least 'Yin' in form... I would have had two more siblings, probably 'sisters' again, but they were killed.. or rather 'aborted'...My parents were god... they felt it was upon them to give to this world sons who'd in turn make the world... there was no place in this 'world' for sisters or daughters, though their 'sons' would marry someone's 'daughter' or 'sister'...
My sister came down with Jaundice a week after mother had her first abortion... and a week after the second abortion( a year later), she died... fell out from the window of a car, hit the divider on the road and died...Next was my turn. I was to be born next... and I lived to see the light of the day... why? maybe because now my parents believed that a 'daughter' could at least get them a 'son' in law if a 'son' was never to come...or maybe it was their god-fearing side that took over them after three deaths...I won't say that I wasn't taken care of, or I was treated like nothing... because I was not... I was loved and cared for like my sister probably never had... But I was never close to my mother or my father..
When I was in college, a cousin of mine told me all this... probably just to make me feel like I was an unwanted child... but I confronted my parents that very day and they gave me the truth in the most candid manner, one could have... I was determined that I'd never let this gender-bias get the better of me...I'm thirty three now... married to a loving businessman, and a loving son to complete my family.... A month back I told my husband that I was pregnant with his second child...The doctor revealed it would be a daughter.. 'I' was extremely happy...
Today as I write this, I am not happy... I no longer feel for anything... I feel nothing... like the way you feel when you look out of a window and see nothing....I aborted the 'daughter'...
I will now have a 'son'.....
posted by Life's a fantasy at
12:01 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home